Godel - 10:52 p.m. , 2009-03-22 awake - 8:31 p.m. , 2008-08-20 Auspicious Omens - 3:06 p.m. , 2007-07-19 the never - 12:03 p.m. , 2007-07-18 vbs - 855788 , dfbhhj stagnation. a report from the museum of worn-out thoughts. everything is the same again. can't finish anything. rut. mental graveyard. tried writing some more of "Fool", but can't seem to get any mental traction. do i need to start drinking coffee again? need a worthwhile goal to move toward-- i'm sure of that, now. been working on songs all week, but the words ...just...don't...come. incredibly frustrating. what the hell ever happened to my mind? did i use it up? my experiments with mental medicines offer no solution to this problem... neurontin just makes me worse (and i have felt better since getting off that stuff). zoloft just makes me not care. wellbutrin distracts me with increased libido. focalin gives me a brief charge charge of energy in the morning (at the expense of the afternoon)... and this energy is easily coopted by Hunter for non-work things. i'm beginning to feel that a possible solution would be part-time daycare... he has shown interest in going to preschool... and really gets excited when he's around other kids. perhaps hanging around with dad is no longer optimum. especially if i'm up here banging my head on my computer or my songbook while he's downstairs watching Pooh for the umpteenth time. that's why i sent for his vaccination records yesterday. there is a preschool up the road from here that we just might check out for a trial run. this seems to be the direction things are heading. assuming things work out for hunter at preschool/daycare, the next challenge i have to face is my inability to stick with anything long enough to bring it to fruition. may have to ask rebecca for the name of the doc up here that specializes in attention deficit. i just keep hoping there is some way of reordering my environment, behavior, lifestyle and/or brain chemistry that will bring me within striking distance of the life i once imagined for myself... one that involves a measure of success doing the things that i love.
blocked writer
Main Entry: plas�tic�i�ty
Pronunciation: pla-'sti-s&-tE
Function: noun
Date: circa 1783
1 : the quality or state of being plastic; especially : capacity for being molded or altered
2 : the ability to retain a shape attained by pressure deformation
3 : the capacity of organisms with the same genotype to vary in developmental pattern, in phenotype, or in behavior according to varying environmental conditions
NOOER
wicked old stuff