Godel - 10:52 p.m. , 2009-03-22 awake - 8:31 p.m. , 2008-08-20 Auspicious Omens - 3:06 p.m. , 2007-07-19 the never - 12:03 p.m. , 2007-07-18 vbs - 855788 , dfbhhj The other day, I was in a bad mood. It seemed like maybe I should find another occupation, and I browsed the Help Wanted Ads for a while, but it just made my mood more... BADDER. Apparently, employers want you to possess work experience, and they won't give you a job unless you have experience working at the type of job they have available. So basically, unless you're doing the same job right now, the subtext in their stupid classified ads is this: fuck off, retard. What they're really trying to do is poach the talented, experienced employees who are working for their competitors. Seriously. But I wonder if they have stopped to consider the type of person who would make such a lateral transition as this. Unless they're paying way more money, or their corporate culture is way more cool, or there is way more room for advancement, who are they attracting? Malcontents. I know this, because I made plenty of lateral moves in my day. I mean, let's face it, if I was any good at what I did, I would have stayed at the first job. The truth was, I was actually pretty mediocre, but fortunately I was able to hide this under a guise of youthful energy and enthusiasm. A lot of times, I would take naps, or just sit at my desk pretending to work, while I was secretly exploring my own interior worlds. Actually, I lied about the looking for a job part, but I do have a pretty rich history of slacker-dom. Had, would be a more accurate word, because my life has turned into a giant day now that I'm doing my own thing. Now that I'm running my own business and thinking about hiring people, all I can think of is how I'm going to get screwed in the ass for all the shitty karma I've accumulated by being a slacker for lo these many years. I figure I've got to develop some sort of weird sub-culture that tricks people into thinking they're slacking, when they're actually working feverishly. Maybe I'll be able to hypnotize my workers by saying stuff like this: "Nothing is more relaxing after a hard weekend than sitting at my desk making phone calls and taking care of business." "Making money is cool! I've got to remember to start coming in earlier." "You know, cubicles are kind of cozy if you think about it." Yup. It's just like having kids. Now that they're getting older, I remember all the insane shit I did, thinking "Oh crap! Now what???" Figuring out how to make money off the employees is like the final frontier of capitalism. But maybe if I pretend it's just this really cool interactive video game, I won't get stressed out. Maybe I won't even know I'm working. Make it a game. The purpose of the game is to collect intelligent, productive, motivated minions, who will pledge their hearts and minds to the effort, and insodoing, generate cash. I guess the secret is to make it fun, like when I used to race my youngest son in the morning to see who could get dressed first. 'cause otherwise, it was this grinding process of nag-ation and yelling to get everybody out the fucking door on time, or less late than normal. I'm not sure why I'm swearing so much in this post. I must feel very strongly about this subject. Either that, or I just want to make sure you're paying attention.
Fuck Karma: Keep Shit Fun
Main Entry: plas�tic�i�ty
Pronunciation: pla-'sti-s&-tE
Function: noun
Date: circa 1783
1 : the quality or state of being plastic; especially : capacity for being molded or altered
2 : the ability to retain a shape attained by pressure deformation
3 : the capacity of organisms with the same genotype to vary in developmental pattern, in phenotype, or in behavior according to varying environmental conditions
NOOER
wicked old stuff